I wondered what changed this time, among other things.

Love isn't suppose to bring you down, cage you up, or make you feel tiny, insignificant and invisible. But sometimes, i feel just that. Even love has its bad days sometimes, i know that, and i do not begrudge anyone for that. Yet.

I lost the power of reasoning today. Lost the will and desire to talk it out, because really, everyone has a choice - to say one doesn't have one, is plain apathy - and i am making my choice. Life is too short to be lived on this basis, i will not be that person.

Because you love jazz and i, classical music.

These days are more often filled with fights than tenderlovingcare. Raised voices and slammed doors are not so odd anymore, the new jarring music is becoming a normality, and a painful thud in the heart. why? is love always like this? a beautiful first act, and then a slow, melancholic second act? Are we going to follow the style of a typical classical music piece? Can we not follow your jazzy tune instead - but that would be more erratic then ever, its high and low notes hitting randomly anywhere, everywhere. We have seen the monsters come out at each other now. The ugly sides that we carefully hide under the crook of our elbow, knees, neck, hidden so that the world will only see the best of us and never the worst. Yet. I have seen yours now, and you mine. Sometimes, it hurts. Sometimes it's a reality i don't want to go through. Yet.

Love.

Fights are never happy. But through fights, bonds get stronger (or weaker) and ultimately, it's up to us to let love win it all or allow the poisonous venoms to seep into this sanctuary, this refuge of something pure and simple. I might cry. I might hurt. But i am glad, and happy that at the end of it all, i still have you and you, still have me and this love that we have found? It's still beating strongly as ever.

I rolled to the other side of my bed, clutched, at emptiness and hollowness. Sometimes, amidst the noise and crowds, you don't realize that things have changed. Perhaps, this is it.

Because people will try to bring you down.

Regardless of what others say, love should never ever be about race, colors, and religion.
Love, is not represented by them. For those who think they are, you are as shallow as a puddle on the road.

I sit in front of the white screen, furiously typing away again - this time with a tired soul and even more weary mind. Four months are too short a time in our entire lifetime; four months come across as insignificant and fleeting to some, not long enough to be etched into our minds as memories. But it is not the duration that matters, right? Even a day, a whole 24 hours can change your life, what more 120 days?

I don’t care what the people say
They brought it all in anyway
Baby don’t fill up your head with he-said, she-said
It seems like you just don’t know
The radio’s on, you tuning me out,
I’m trying to speak, you’re turning me down
And I hope one day you’ll see nobody has it easy,
I still can’t believe you found somebody new
But I wish you the best, I guess.
‘Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
We’ve heard it all before, that everybody knows
How to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try

Sometimes, we don't get what we want. Sometimes, everything's fuzzy and uncertain. What, then? What, now? Are truths really better than lies?

There's this thing called l___.
We realised its existence one day, or maybe somebody came up with the concept.
There's this other thing called h___.
We too, realised it on some other day, or maybe somebody else came up with it.
Good riddance? God be with you?
It's not that easy.
It's never that easy.

A forgotten dream.

Suddenly i am lost, submerged in this ocean of doubts and unfilled desires.
Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead, yesterday is a promise that you have broken.

Dark Berry Mocha.
War of the Roses.
Archon, Solon, Prytany, Cleisthenes, Prisistratus.
You have no idea, and it's staying that way.
I.U. Day. :/ :/
Mine, you.
Bliss.

552209

"Love is always patient and kind.
It is never jealous.
Love is never boastful or conceited.
It is never rude or selfish.
It does not take offense and is not resentful".
- A walk to remember

Raptai Sukan

Thanks for the CHOCOLATES! You know who you are.

Saringan I

All great things are simple, and many can be expressed in single words: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope.
-Sir Winston Churchill.

Friends, i miss you. But we are all too used to living our lives apart from each other now.

Perhaps i have changed into somebody i don't really like. Caring and knowing about things that don't really matter, wasting my time on moments that flicker by like shots taken by a pair of hands that do not understand photography. I want my Polaroid moments back. Moments that no matter how short or infrequent they are, make me feel like this life is worth living. That perhaps it is not mere coincidence we are all here at the same place and time, that perhaps we are meant for greater things if we realise the potential in us and the chances given to us. Yet, this emotion in me, this nonchalance is eating me up from the inside and instead of doing anything to stop the mess from overflowing, i do nothing, feel nothing, hope for nothing.

Where i am heading with this baggage?
No.
Things have got to change.

I am a free bird.
Don't clip my wings.

Must be careful with my tiny heart.
I am a giver, most of the times.
That doesn't mean i am not afraid of the consequences.

"I was down, i thought we were more than this. How can best friends like us become strangers?"
"Cynicism kicked in, i guess, and perhaps we have left it longer than we should have."
"We don't know each other anymore, what do you think?"
"I think yes we don't, but we can have another go at it."
"Yes, why the hell not?"

Am happy we talked it out.
ILY, still, you know.