I am a fool, out of love. Lenka.

-Nights like this - today has not been rough at all. On the contrary, it has been one of the most peaceful and quiet days for the year of 2009. For once, i did not have to smile or laugh, crack stupid jokes, or listen to the lives of people (or talk about my own). Today, is about the ensuing silence that surrounds my usually noisy life and the reflections that come with it. I feel like crying, i feel like laughing aloud. So, this is how solitude feels like. It's as if i am entrapped in this bubble of impenetrable and sound-proof walls; i can hear you but not the other way round. I feel different.

-It scares me sometimes. You.

-I feel different. But, do you hear?
Emotions sometimes speak in another language. I struggle to understand them this time. Perhaps, the ending will surprise us all, but doesn't it always?

-I had this dream; about green fields and yellow meadows. I had another dream; you weren't in there. But relationships (any kind) are like this, no? You cannot expect the other party to always be there. Sometimes, you are alone - no matter how instance it is or how desperate you are. Like what my friend says, in order to be with someone else, first, you have to learn to be alone.

-A Spot of Bother.

-Beetlebug. Man-U cup. Your brother's long orange pants. Singapore ghost stories. The random things that i remember when i was at your house. I see your smile, your laughter, your random jokes and your capability in making me laugh, i miss them. It was only yesterday. Now, i am struggling to not fall under this annoying spell of flu/cold/whatever you like to call it that seem to be attacking every student possible. I must not be susceptible. Maybe, i already am. But i shouldn't get worse.

-There are some things that you let go, in life. By choice, by unforeseen circumstances, by the simple passing of time. We were once whole. I complemented you, and you i. What happened to those days of fulfilled joy and taken for granted moments? We were young once, can we not be young again? You no longer care for me the way you used to. You changed. Or maybe the changes in us happened simultaneously. We are no longer the way we are. Some days, i wake up thinking it's alright, we had our moments - we have reached the end. But on days like this, i struggle to understand the change. The erased memories. Are human minds that forgetful?

-I am tired. Perhaps, the mind is not so lucid anymore.