the Notebook.

[His last letter to Allie] My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah.

All in a day's work.

Thanks, love.

Trials; wednesday.
Meredeka celebration; tomorrow.
Last month of the day; today.
4 more months to the end of 2009.
Where will we be, this time next year?
:)

Anger.

"I wish for a moment that time would lift me out of this day, and into some more benign one. But then I feel guilty for wanting to avoid the sadness; dead people need us to remember them, even if it eats us, even if all we can do is say "I'm sorry" until it is as meaningless as air."

Mar,

i will miss you when you leave and you will eventually receive my random text messages, again.

there are so many things about you. about us. in such a short span of time. <3

i said my hair was annoying, that night. it kept flying into my eyes, mouth and you offered to switch off the fan, but part of me actually liked the wind smashing (well, it definitely felt like that) into my face and the other part was half amused, annoyed. i was sleepy. it was 1 in the morning, well past my bedtime but i couldn't just put my head on your shoulder - we were too new and unfamiliar for that. so i tried hard to not fall asleep and amidst that effort i tried hard, again, to not babble something nonsensical in my semi-conscious state while -

i could, and i can write things i have discovered about you over these past few months, but passed few sentences, i would erase them all and i am left looking at the blinking on the screen, white, white, white. because they are too precious to be shared with the world, and really, i cannot bring myself to share you, especially you, with the world.

National Geographic

Before New York

When Henry Hudson first looked on Manhattan in 1609, what did he see?

He Makes Me Happy

Stumbled

;D

Keys

Getting back the old tunes. :)

the SEASON is back.

The photographer, musician and writer.

Tonight I watched the stars shine, wondered if we are meant to be or we ever will. Sometimes I see you walking towards me, and my entire awareness snaps into focus – everything else falls away. Tell me if this feeling is not daunting; tell me if it is not overwhelming. Is this how the flavors of love taste like? The Polaroid moments of texts and random phone calls, laughter and secret smiles, rare reveals and remembered pasts, good food and more good food, the warmth and touches, the intimacy of two lovers – not star-crossed- the clandestine of it all. You’re like a 15^th century map – indecipherable. Sometimes I pretend to not know you as much, pretend that there are still parts of your body I have not memorized (probably there are) and pretend that this love is not as glorious as I think it is – because the gods take beauty away, and you, you’re on top of the beauty list. I –

it is odd how words seem to bury themselves deep when it comes to you. An arduous task, writing becomes. I would love to paint rhymes over your body, pen down your features and immortalize them like how Shakespeare did with his Sonnet 18(how can anyone bloody forget that?). But I cannot. Incoherency becomes me. All I can come out with is a whole paragraph of word-vomits that is detached and insignificant. You see what I have done here? The words “I” and “me” have been used far more than “you”. For the umpteen time, I have failed to love you in words but this won’t be the last try.

[ Expectation is a dangerous thing to play with. You never know what's - ]

It's been a while, since i have spent time with my friends.

Today, i know how it feels

To dream different dreams
and
live in different expectations.

I am a fool, out of love. Lenka.

-Nights like this - today has not been rough at all. On the contrary, it has been one of the most peaceful and quiet days for the year of 2009. For once, i did not have to smile or laugh, crack stupid jokes, or listen to the lives of people (or talk about my own). Today, is about the ensuing silence that surrounds my usually noisy life and the reflections that come with it. I feel like crying, i feel like laughing aloud. So, this is how solitude feels like. It's as if i am entrapped in this bubble of impenetrable and sound-proof walls; i can hear you but not the other way round. I feel different.

-It scares me sometimes. You.

-I feel different. But, do you hear?
Emotions sometimes speak in another language. I struggle to understand them this time. Perhaps, the ending will surprise us all, but doesn't it always?

-I had this dream; about green fields and yellow meadows. I had another dream; you weren't in there. But relationships (any kind) are like this, no? You cannot expect the other party to always be there. Sometimes, you are alone - no matter how instance it is or how desperate you are. Like what my friend says, in order to be with someone else, first, you have to learn to be alone.

-A Spot of Bother.

-Beetlebug. Man-U cup. Your brother's long orange pants. Singapore ghost stories. The random things that i remember when i was at your house. I see your smile, your laughter, your random jokes and your capability in making me laugh, i miss them. It was only yesterday. Now, i am struggling to not fall under this annoying spell of flu/cold/whatever you like to call it that seem to be attacking every student possible. I must not be susceptible. Maybe, i already am. But i shouldn't get worse.

-There are some things that you let go, in life. By choice, by unforeseen circumstances, by the simple passing of time. We were once whole. I complemented you, and you i. What happened to those days of fulfilled joy and taken for granted moments? We were young once, can we not be young again? You no longer care for me the way you used to. You changed. Or maybe the changes in us happened simultaneously. We are no longer the way we are. Some days, i wake up thinking it's alright, we had our moments - we have reached the end. But on days like this, i struggle to understand the change. The erased memories. Are human minds that forgetful?

-I am tired. Perhaps, the mind is not so lucid anymore.

Monday sickness

It is that game you used to play when you were small.
Leaning backwards until you fall, trusting your friend to support you from behind.
What happened to those days?
The etched bitterness is not the mark of our lives, right?

Sometimes, you have to bar them.

You&I.
You&I.

Another saturday.

Meredith (voiceover): Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn't just about being tough - it's about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don't have to be tough every minute of every day. It's okay to let down your guard. In fact, there are moments when it's the best thing you can possibly do - as long as you choose your moments wisely.

Sometimes, we don't get what we want. Sometimes, everything's fuzzy and uncertain. What, then? What, now? Are truths really better than lies?

Oddity&Paradox

Been blog-hopping.
Perhaps girls will always be more emotionally dramatic compared to guys.
Just because males don't write about
"I am hurt by his actions and words today."
"Why do we always fight? Do you always have to come up with ways to hurt me?"
do not mean they don't feel.

Perhaps sometimes,
we girls need a close up look at our own lives
and decide
if we are the only ones feeling 'em emotions.

What it seems may not always be what it is.

The things you let go - by choice

Sometimes you remain alone in the midst of all the noise and colors.

Maybe it's a test. Maybe you cannot have what you want, all the time. Maybe, just maybe.

Jane Eyre;
I desired liberty; for liberty I gasped; for liberty I uttered a prayer.

New Start

Spring (but there's no conspicuous seasonal change in Malaysia) cleaning the blog.

Pitter Patter of the Rain