Mornings. You wake up feeling afresh or perhaps, just enough rest to go through another long and probably monotonous day. Your sensations are numbed as you emerge from your slumber and for this one moment of the day, you don't fully remember what you have lost, or gained.

Nights, bring a whole other emotions. Events appear in vivid sporadic explosions at the back of your mind. Your emotions flit around, as if playing a run-and-catch game. You are like a little kid in the kindergarten playground again, a little lost and bewildered, a little fearful yet hoping that a sense of belonging could be found in this seemingly massive ground. Yet, nights are not always so generous. Nightmares seep in occasionally. Old insecurities, past hurts and fears you thought you had forgotten glide back into the minutes, hours of the dark night - you are left alone, vulnerable and needy.

Tonight, after dinner, the thoughts of broken desires came hunting in the dark premises of my brain. I don't know how to respond to them, to my own failures anymore. Perhaps i have grown defensive and immature; deliberately turning away when confronted with my own conscience. Perhaps, i have just grown lethargic towards this bundle of almost impossible dreams. They say, nothing is impossible and if you dare to dream, you can reach for it. Of course, hard work is and will be involved. Since when have they not been? But the question is not about hard work, i am not afraid of that. It is something else. Something that i do not utter aloud for fear of admitting my own weakness, my Achilles' heels. I have unwittingly taken this turn too long ago, and it remains a regret, a black hole in my heart. Can i revert it? Will i be able to? Most importantly, do i want to?