Wings on the floor.

2010-05-20T18:58:00.002+08:00

Have moved to http://catchingtheworld.blogspot.com/ :)

See you guys there.

Good day!

My holiday

2010-02-04T12:25:00.001+08:00

King Arthur.
Gladiator.
Lord of the Rings (uncut).
Ella Enchanted.
Eragon.
Cinderella Story; happily ever after.
Peter Pan

2010-02-03T10:11:00.003+08:00

I wondered what changed this time, among other things.

Love isn't suppose to bring you down, cage you up, or make you feel tiny, insignificant and invisible. But sometimes, i feel just that. Even love has its bad days sometimes, i know that, and i do not begrudge anyone for that. Yet.

I lost the power of reasoning today. Lost the will and desire to talk it out, because really, everyone has a choice - to say one doesn't have one, is plain apathy - and i am making my choice. Life is too short to be lived on this basis, i will not be that person.

2010-01-08T21:55:00.001+08:00

Because we all grow up one day, and the world, doesn't look so bright and shiny anymore.

2010-01-02T22:00:00.001+08:00

We All Have Fears.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T00:04:00.003+08:00

Five years ago, if you were to ask me how i was going to celebrate Xmas, i would probably tell you that i am going to the noisiest and most crowded place in Penang. The Christmases of lower secondary were spent in Gurney's countdown event, looking back, Wen and i have no idea how we went through the painful ordeal of the crowd, BOs and noise(yet, we were young, and yes, i am sure my girlfriends and i did enjoy those moments). As i grew older, the venue changed to UPR, a different crowd, but still a crowd - sweatier, dirtier - in more ways than one. It's funny how we celebrate certain occasions sometimes. we plunge into the crowd, conform, become just another individual in this multi-layered society and lose the true meaning of the occasion.

since when has christmas become an affair of how wasted someone is, dancing explicitly in clubs, doing stupid things and just mingling with strangers? isn't christmas suppose to be a family-affair, of rejoicing for God(for those who are christians) and so much more? not that i am against a full-force party during christmas. but some teenagers take upon christmas as as their personal crusade to party, another CONVENIENT reason to tell their parents that they are heading out with their friends, stay out the whole night and not come home. this whole picture, it's just, wrong.

And at the end of all the partying, this so called Christmas eve, Christmas day, becomes just another 24 hours; a temporary insignificant day of dirty clothings and sweaty skins under a whole layer of forgotten spirit of true Christmas.

And christmas, is not co christmassy after all - for some.

P.s : My christmas was spent with the best friend, quiet, and would probably end with a long phone call with the boyf. Yes, not the most happening celebration, but yet. :) Nights.

Christmas

2009-12-19T20:36:00.002+08:00

I miss you, silly boy.
I love christmas, although i don't really celebrate it. :)

Christmas shopping, done.
Bought all the presents for my friends,
left one more to go.

Although STPM is over, i still feel busy. :/
So many things to do!
alas, i am not obliged to tell you what i am up to. :)

2009-12-02T20:14:00.001+08:00

Shall I wax poetry about you?

Not everyday is a beautiful day. I forget that sometimes. I remember the fear. The edginess, the hope, and the loss of it. I remembered reading the pages and loving every turn, every word and every escapism it brought to my stagnant life. Yet. It’s been years since I felt that way – I told myself to grow out of it and that hope is a cancerous cell, a rapid growth to death, everything else fades away. Yet. You came into my life and brought alongside love, anger, smiles, hurt, happiness, rage, elation and every possible emotions we human beings have discovered. Yet.

Our love do not have to be noisy, like the rest of the world.

We can be silently loud.

It’s just your smiles, and mine, after all.

Beautiful

2009-12-01T20:28:00.002+08:00

This poem was nominated by UN as the best poem of 2006, Written by an

African Kid :

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray

And you calling me colored?

2009-11-23T19:33:00.001+08:00

I want to go through this.
I need to.

2009-11-05T19:29:00.003+08:00

Because you love jazz and i, classical music.

These days are more often filled with fights than tenderlovingcare. Raised voices and slammed doors are not so odd anymore, the new jarring music is becoming a normality, and a painful thud in the heart. why? is love always like this? a beautiful first act, and then a slow, melancholic second act? Are we going to follow the style of a typical classical music piece? Can we not follow your jazzy tune instead - but that would be more erratic then ever, its high and low notes hitting randomly anywhere, everywhere. We have seen the monsters come out at each other now. The ugly sides that we carefully hide under the crook of our elbow, knees, neck, hidden so that the world will only see the best of us and never the worst. Yet. I have seen yours now, and you mine. Sometimes, it hurts. Sometimes it's a reality i don't want to go through. Yet.

Love.

Fights are never happy. But through fights, bonds get stronger (or weaker) and ultimately, it's up to us to let love win it all or allow the poisonous venoms to seep into this sanctuary, this refuge of something pure and simple. I might cry. I might hurt. But i am glad, and happy that at the end of it all, i still have you and you, still have me and this love that we have found? It's still beating strongly as ever.

Man in the mirror. :) :) :)

2009-11-05T10:45:00.001+08:00

It's October.

2009-10-28T17:30:00.004+08:00

2009. In two years' time, i will turn 20. Two decades seem so infantile to the older generations, the one who had their shares of broken dreams, suppressed desires and moments of joy, success, and everything else to do with life rolled into one. Yet.

It's October. (so fast?)

What have i done so far?
Not much. Not little either. A friend texted me the other day bout how she felt she has not done anything brave for the past 19 years of her life. But, what is the definition of brave? How do we define this word? All of us want to be significant in life, to another person, to the world, to leave an impact, to make a difference. But all this is vague, no?

What is YOUR purpose in this life?
I think, it's time for a change.
Because all moments passed us by, and it's up to us to hold them in our hearts, or let them go, like burst bubbles that once shine.

2009-10-28T17:06:00.003+08:00

If you've got dreams in your heart, why don't you share them with me?

Borders&Nandos

2009-10-27T18:09:00.002+08:00

;)
Guys. And their time management. *shakes head*
152 minutes. 3.10pm, supposedly it should end by 5.50pm. We left. At 5.30pm.
Nice movie nonetheless.
Nicer ending.

2009-10-25T23:04:00.001+08:00

I rolled to the other side of my bed, clutched, at emptiness and hollowness. Sometimes, amidst the noise and crowds, you don't realize that things have changed. Perhaps, this is it.

One more month.

2009-10-24T22:33:00.001+08:00

MIA

Quiet

2009-10-11T20:24:00.001+08:00

Greetings, baby.

Since you just love gluing yourself to the pc, I figured I'd dump some things in here for you to waste your time on.
In this pendrive, I have included random stuff, mainly stupid stuff...

Lol.
Silly boy.

I need inspiration. And some zest, yes, definitely some.

Because people will try to bring you down.

2009-10-08T19:57:00.003+08:00

Regardless of what others say, love should never ever be about race, colors, and religion.
Love, is not represented by them. For those who think they are, you are as shallow as a puddle on the road.

Ten things i have learnt this year

2009-10-04T11:38:00.003+08:00

1. Studying is actually fun.
2. Love is not easy, but it doesn't have to be hard either.
3. In this age of fb, twitter and plurk, privacy is golden.
4. Harry Potter will always be a part of my life.
5. Knowing many people is different from being there for your friends.
6. The leavers are teaching me to be more independent.
7. My first love will always have an impact in my life.
8. Best friends stay, no matter how far they grow apart.
9. Life is a challenge, but it doesn't have to be sad.
10. Want what you want, the rest fades away.

It's not Today

2009-10-02T22:39:00.005+08:00

. The boyf is out of town. :)
I miss him already, but this is beside the point.

Thank you for being in my life.

♥ my shrek

2009-09-30T18:23:00.001+08:00

2009-09-28T20:31:00.001+08:00

You're the best, as always. :)

2009-09-27T11:23:00.002+08:00

They strut with their skinny asses and skanky clothes down the malls when you were too busy pouring over your books and meticulously counting numbers so that the A's will be in your hands. Sometimes you come across pictures of them with boys (entirely too close) getting drunk in clubs or some party where their rosy pink cheeks (thanks to the alcohol) and beautifully startling features still stand out amidst the drunken stupor and lost decencies. In school, they have the best stories to tell - escapades, adventures, dirty jokes, jokes, latest trends and boyfriend problems - and we, the nerdy lifeless ones stare listlessly, half listening to their droning, half wishing we were that brazen or gutsy. Sometimes i wish i had the courage to go up to the guy i like and ask if he would like to go out with me, like what those girls would do - just for kicks. But now i look back, and laugh at the silliness, at the impermanency. So what if those girls were the life of the party or did things nobody else was doing - smoking, drinking, flings - all of that come down to nothing now, they are dust, ashes, on a hill of forgotten life, in an abandoned chapter. We have all move on. And for the rest of us, so called nerds in high school, we are still moving on, still pouring over books and stuffs like that with a purpose, a dream, a vision - but those popular girls? Where are they now?

2009-09-25T20:42:00.003+08:00

It is not always easy, but it's okay.
Because i love you.
Just make sure you wash the dishes properly when you're at my place next time, okay?
*winks.

-runs away-

One step closer

2009-09-23T11:42:00.002+08:00

But still lost.
Closing in.
And the only person who can help is myself.
Time to get a move on? Definitely.

Yes, i realised.

2009-09-22T19:21:00.001+08:00

Better three hours early, than one minute late.

Myself.

7 years and still counting.

2009-09-21T22:11:00.004+08:00

Yesterday night was spent by the pool - cool and quiet - in a place i am not obliged to divulge, talking to two of my closest friends yet. These kinda conversations are always enriching and soul-satisfying because, we have been through so much with each other, it's all laid on the table, naked and bare; there's nothing to hide anymore. We are who we are with each other. You don't often see the 360 degress laughter that Mad gives out, or the crazy almost child-like(ok, fine fine, retarded is more like it :P) gestures that Karmun comes up with - but with each other, we are all of that and more. Friends. It is a weighty word, taken for granted most of the time. But friends, they make all the difference, so know that, i love you. *runs around happily*

Ve Wen! Know that you are deeply missed and i am sorry we are both so busy with our own lives and so faraway pulak, sigh, i hope we can catch up soon. I miss you and i love you!

:)

2009-09-21T22:05:00.004+08:00

Don't overtire yourself k? (Not like you read my blog, but still)
:)

2009-09-19T10:52:00.002+08:00

The boyf is busy with work, while the girlf is trying to get busy with studies.
Status : failing, thus far.

life lessons.

2009-09-13T23:05:00.001+08:00

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13.. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15.. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?"..
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Drums :)

2009-09-13T22:45:00.001+08:00

2009-09-12T11:54:00.003+08:00

I sit in front of the white screen, furiously typing away again - this time with a tired soul and even more weary mind. Four months are too short a time in our entire lifetime; four months come across as insignificant and fleeting to some, not long enough to be etched into our minds as memories. But it is not the duration that matters, right? Even a day, a whole 24 hours can change your life, what more 120 days?

I don’t care what the people say
They brought it all in anyway
Baby don’t fill up your head with he-said, she-said
It seems like you just don’t know
The radio’s on, you tuning me out,
I’m trying to speak, you’re turning me down
And I hope one day you’ll see nobody has it easy,
I still can’t believe you found somebody new
But I wish you the best, I guess.
‘Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt
We’ve heard it all before, that everybody knows
How to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try

♥

2009-09-08T17:41:00.003+08:00

I felt a little lost, recently. Can't really say when the feeling started. I didn't keep tabs. But it feel like a slow song, one that you enjoy at the beginning and then it gets draggier and draggier until you feel like just switching the whole track to something else, something a little more different and more vibrant - something that is able to take you someplace else.

I want to feel alive. I want to feel excitement bustling through my veins, life stories of others come alive in my own- i don't want two dimensional pictures of white papers inked with faded black words. Don't want minds to be crusted with distractions and hammered with heavy, substantial knowledge that sometimes make us lose sight of the things that matter. Knowledge has a way of doing that to us; seeping into our nerves, making us want more so that we are drunken with it - the rest fades away.

I don't want to be taken for granted.

the Notebook.

2009-08-31T19:02:00.000+08:00

[His last letter to Allie] My Dearest Allie. I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you. Noah.

All in a day's work.

2009-08-31T17:55:00.003+08:00

Thanks, love.

Trials; wednesday.
Meredeka celebration; tomorrow.
Last month of the day; today.
4 more months to the end of 2009.
Where will we be, this time next year?
:)

2009-08-29T17:06:00.001+08:00

Anger.

2009-08-29T15:21:00.004+08:00

"I wish for a moment that time would lift me out of this day, and into some more benign one. But then I feel guilty for wanting to avoid the sadness; dead people need us to remember them, even if it eats us, even if all we can do is say "I'm sorry" until it is as meaningless as air."

2009-08-28T22:28:00.002+08:00

Mar,

i will miss you when you leave and you will eventually receive my random text messages, again.

2009-08-28T22:02:00.005+08:00

there are so many things about you. about us. in such a short span of time. <3

i said my hair was annoying, that night. it kept flying into my eyes, mouth and you offered to switch off the fan, but part of me actually liked the wind smashing (well, it definitely felt like that) into my face and the other part was half amused, annoyed. i was sleepy. it was 1 in the morning, well past my bedtime but i couldn't just put my head on your shoulder - we were too new and unfamiliar for that. so i tried hard to not fall asleep and amidst that effort i tried hard, again, to not babble something nonsensical in my semi-conscious state while -

i could, and i can write things i have discovered about you over these past few months, but passed few sentences, i would erase them all and i am left looking at the blinking on the screen, white, white, white. because they are too precious to be shared with the world, and really, i cannot bring myself to share you, especially you, with the world.

National Geographic

2009-08-26T18:23:00.001+08:00

Before New York

When Henry Hudson first looked on Manhattan in 1609, what did he see?

2009-08-25T13:06:00.001+08:00

He Makes Me Happy

Stumbled

2009-08-22T19:15:00.001+08:00

Keys

2009-08-17T18:56:00.000+08:00

Getting back the old tunes. :)

the SEASON is back.

2009-08-15T20:46:00.009+08:00

The photographer, musician and writer.

Tonight I watched the stars shine, wondered if we are meant to be or we ever will. Sometimes I see you walking towards me, and my entire awareness snaps into focus – everything else falls away. Tell me if this feeling is not daunting; tell me if it is not overwhelming. Is this how the flavors of love taste like? The Polaroid moments of texts and random phone calls, laughter and secret smiles, rare reveals and remembered pasts, good food and more good food, the warmth and touches, the intimacy of two lovers – not star-crossed- the clandestine of it all. You’re like a 15^th century map – indecipherable. Sometimes I pretend to not know you as much, pretend that there are still parts of your body I have not memorized (probably there are) and pretend that this love is not as glorious as I think it is – because the gods take beauty away, and you, you’re on top of the beauty list. I –

it is odd how words seem to bury themselves deep when it comes to you. An arduous task, writing becomes. I would love to paint rhymes over your body, pen down your features and immortalize them like how Shakespeare did with his Sonnet 18(how can anyone bloody forget that?). But I cannot. Incoherency becomes me. All I can come out with is a whole paragraph of word-vomits that is detached and insignificant. You see what I have done here? The words “I” and “me” have been used far more than “you”. For the umpteen time, I have failed to love you in words but this won’t be the last try.

2009-08-14T18:14:00.004+08:00

[ Expectation is a dangerous thing to play with. You never know what's - ]

It's been a while, since i have spent time with my friends.

Today, i know how it feels

2009-08-12T20:37:00.001+08:00

To dream different dreams
and
live in different expectations.

2009-08-11T20:02:00.006+08:00

I am a fool, out of love. Lenka.

-Nights like this - today has not been rough at all. On the contrary, it has been one of the most peaceful and quiet days for the year of 2009. For once, i did not have to smile or laugh, crack stupid jokes, or listen to the lives of people (or talk about my own). Today, is about the ensuing silence that surrounds my usually noisy life and the reflections that come with it. I feel like crying, i feel like laughing aloud. So, this is how solitude feels like. It's as if i am entrapped in this bubble of impenetrable and sound-proof walls; i can hear you but not the other way round. I feel different.

-It scares me sometimes. You.

-I feel different. But, do you hear?
Emotions sometimes speak in another language. I struggle to understand them this time. Perhaps, the ending will surprise us all, but doesn't it always?

-I had this dream; about green fields and yellow meadows. I had another dream; you weren't in there. But relationships (any kind) are like this, no? You cannot expect the other party to always be there. Sometimes, you are alone - no matter how instance it is or how desperate you are. Like what my friend says, in order to be with someone else, first, you have to learn to be alone.

-A Spot of Bother.

-Beetlebug. Man-U cup. Your brother's long orange pants. Singapore ghost stories. The random things that i remember when i was at your house. I see your smile, your laughter, your random jokes and your capability in making me laugh, i miss them. It was only yesterday. Now, i am struggling to not fall under this annoying spell of flu/cold/whatever you like to call it that seem to be attacking every student possible. I must not be susceptible. Maybe, i already am. But i shouldn't get worse.

-There are some things that you let go, in life. By choice, by unforeseen circumstances, by the simple passing of time. We were once whole. I complemented you, and you i. What happened to those days of fulfilled joy and taken for granted moments? We were young once, can we not be young again? You no longer care for me the way you used to. You changed. Or maybe the changes in us happened simultaneously. We are no longer the way we are. Some days, i wake up thinking it's alright, we had our moments - we have reached the end. But on days like this, i struggle to understand the change. The erased memories. Are human minds that forgetful?

-I am tired. Perhaps, the mind is not so lucid anymore.

Monday sickness

2009-08-11T18:52:00.003+08:00

It is that game you used to play when you were small.
Leaning backwards until you fall, trusting your friend to support you from behind.
What happened to those days?
The etched bitterness is not the mark of our lives, right?

Sometimes, you have to bar them.

2009-08-10T19:06:00.005+08:00

You&I.
You&I.

Another saturday.

2009-08-08T15:38:00.000+08:00

Meredith (voiceover): Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn't just about being tough - it's about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don't have to be tough every minute of every day. It's okay to let down your guard. In fact, there are moments when it's the best thing you can possibly do - as long as you choose your moments wisely.

2009-08-08T15:28:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, we don't get what we want. Sometimes, everything's fuzzy and uncertain. What, then? What, now? Are truths really better than lies?

Oddity&Paradox

2009-08-05T23:08:00.003+08:00

Been blog-hopping.
Perhaps girls will always be more emotionally dramatic compared to guys.
Just because males don't write about
"I am hurt by his actions and words today."
"Why do we always fight? Do you always have to come up with ways to hurt me?"
do not mean they don't feel.

Perhaps sometimes,
we girls need a close up look at our own lives
and decide
if we are the only ones feeling 'em emotions.

What it seems may not always be what it is.

The things you let go - by choice

2009-08-05T23:00:00.001+08:00

Sometimes you remain alone in the midst of all the noise and colors.

2009-08-03T22:34:00.003+08:00

Maybe it's a test. Maybe you cannot have what you want, all the time. Maybe, just maybe.

Jane Eyre;
I desired liberty; for liberty I gasped; for liberty I uttered a prayer.

New Start

2009-08-01T21:15:00.002+08:00

Spring (but there's no conspicuous seasonal change in Malaysia) cleaning the blog.

Pitter Patter of the Rain

2009-08-01T11:34:00.008+08:00

2009-07-29T22:28:00.000+08:00

Stowed away, silently - i like.

2009-07-25T12:34:00.005+08:00

I also noticed (on this boring Saturday, because i make it so) that i have been blogging more about the boyfriend, and i wonder to myself, if we are going to last or it will just be another chapter in our lives where we both go..."oh yea, i used to date him, it was alright". but what is the line between alright and fuckamazing? i can say i love you's in a dozen different ways and you, too in your own ways show me how naked and bare i can be but at the end of the day, how do we know for a certainty this love story would end with a happy ending, or a i-never-want-to-see-you again?

that's the beauty of it no? We will never know; not because we don't want to, but because we can't. it's an elusive creature, the ending. and i am beginning to realise that. i have this habit of mine where i read the ending of a book first, before proceeding to the beginning, the middle. i will not be able to read in peace without the knowledge of the ending. thats how i peruse the last book of harrypotter, lordoftherings, all the books that i have come to love or those that had dissipated into the realm of unfulfilled satisfaction. at first, i wanted badly to discover the ending of this love story. but of course, in vain. i am not God - i am not planning to be one.

perhaps that's why we -both women and men- are inherently jealous, hurtful, obsessive, possessive, insecure and all the negative (lets put aside the positive for now) emotions that we seem to own. the ending is lost on us. Imagine, if you know that Mr. A would be the one you marry, the one you will throw tantrums at, have kids, and grow old in that disgusting sweet manner that old couples usually do, would you be going through the ups and downs of a relationship? The one where you wonder and ponder if he loves you as much you love him, or if he sees you in the light of how you see him? Mr. B, C, D wouldn't make a difference, no? You, already know. Note the paltable difference.

I can imagine his reaction. But oh, shush. I am beginning to learn that life is not always bout the ending and that each moment - in its own place and time- has its significance, and honestly, i don't like being in the dark but i am starting to appreciate the nows, and not wonder about the unknown future anyways. Of course, i falter from time to time and sometimes i get pissed off with my own incapabilities to control my train of thoughts like how perhaps his past lovers are better than me in more ways than one and how i don't fulfill his needs or make him unhappy or sad(wtf they're synonyms)...but cut to the point, i love him, and i am in love, this emotion is new and daunting and yet exhilarating at the same time, and the point, the point is, i love him and that should be all that matters. That we both love each other at this very moment.

2009-07-25T11:59:00.003+08:00

Why isn't today as bright as yesterday's? I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, again. I had this dream that turned fuzzy at certain turns and exploded into this brilliancy of awful colors that scared the hell out of me and i wasn't aware that it was a dream, and that i was sleeping and that this is not the reality i live in with people who hate me, chasing(perhaps hunting) me everywhere, anywhere for the rest of my life. I began to drift into consciousness by trying to grope for a warm body, a warm hand, a sign of life that he's beside me but then i remembered that i am in my own room, and the corner of the bed beside me is cold and untouched - i am no longer in the time where i woke up to him every morning of the short vacation-trip we had. I feel this bitterness swell. This inner-child of mine, the one who is pampered and spoilt - who stamps her feet when she does not get what she wants begin to throw a silent tantrum. Where is the boyfriend? But, alas, he doesn't know i had a nightmare, and i, being me, will take my undoubtedly long time to divulge this piece of information.

Dreams are lovely and fine, as long as they don't turn around and bite me instead.

21 guns

2009-07-24T17:59:00.005+08:00

I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.
-Elie Wiesel

You can pretend to forget, for a while, for as long as possible and you can pretend to not care about the history of mankind, dismiss it as unimportant or unrelated to today's life (how mistaken you are) but when it comes down to it, history is who we were a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade, a century ago and history, is who we are today, as an individual, a family, a community, a country, a race.

The Boyfriend, Bestfriend, Gang and Man-U

2009-07-21T21:07:00.003+08:00

;) the nice nice pictures are still with jon. :/ i want. OWEN!!!

2009-07-20T19:43:00.004+08:00

There's this thing called l___.
We realised its existence one day, or maybe somebody came up with the concept.
There's this other thing called h___.
We too, realised it on some other day, or maybe somebody else came up with it.
Good riddance? God be with you?
It's not that easy.
It's never that easy.

2009-07-20T19:30:00.004+08:00

dark streets. long walks. hot sun. hurt. dance. anger. disappointment. waits. sleep. three beds. bar. margaritas. random touches. happiness. intimacy. comfort. manchester united. crowd. reds, yellows, blacks. support. love. annoyance. push and pull. money spent. common bathrooms. mistakes. repentance(?). bus. tickets. lrt stations. yogurt drinks. mamak. low battery. fragments of scenes. tipsy. smoke. laughter. akward angles. 6 and 1. luggage. wooden keys. "bag pools". camera. sun. shades. hold. fishing in the bus. regrets. shampoo-less. wet. jokes. best friend. hunger. harry potter. chocolates. flops. unstable. cavity. sorry.

B&W

2009-07-11T22:20:00.002+08:00

My fingers tingle.
My soul tingles - for a release, a climatic outburst.
But they are dead.
My fingers no longer move.

The night.

2009-07-11T12:19:00.001+08:00

Birthday Boy and Prom

2009-07-06T20:25:00.002+08:00

<3 Mr. Boyfriend.

Wed, Thurs, Fri - KL with the family.

Event : PFS Orientation Ball / Senior Prom
Theme : Black Ties & Diamonds
Venue : Eastern & Oriental Hotel (Grand Ballroom)
Day : Friday
Date : 10th of July 2009

2009-07-05T15:05:00.003+08:00

Jonathan Lim, Happy 17th Birthday. (in advance)
I love you.

I will be seeing you later. *excited.

2009-07-04T13:04:00.012+08:00

MIA-ing
Prom (Booklet)
Boyfriend's Birthday
Family
Girlfriends
Kl, and KL MAN-U Trip
Studies.
Rest

2009-07-01T21:35:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KID.
It's been great knowing you, thus far.
With love, ting.

2009-06-30T21:13:00.002+08:00

Mornings. You wake up feeling afresh or perhaps, just enough rest to go through another long and probably monotonous day. Your sensations are numbed as you emerge from your slumber and for this one moment of the day, you don't fully remember what you have lost, or gained.

Nights, bring a whole other emotions. Events appear in vivid sporadic explosions at the back of your mind. Your emotions flit around, as if playing a run-and-catch game. You are like a little kid in the kindergarten playground again, a little lost and bewildered, a little fearful yet hoping that a sense of belonging could be found in this seemingly massive ground. Yet, nights are not always so generous. Nightmares seep in occasionally. Old insecurities, past hurts and fears you thought you had forgotten glide back into the minutes, hours of the dark night - you are left alone, vulnerable and needy.

Tonight, after dinner, the thoughts of broken desires came hunting in the dark premises of my brain. I don't know how to respond to them, to my own failures anymore. Perhaps i have grown defensive and immature; deliberately turning away when confronted with my own conscience. Perhaps, i have just grown lethargic towards this bundle of almost impossible dreams. They say, nothing is impossible and if you dare to dream, you can reach for it. Of course, hard work is and will be involved. Since when have they not been? But the question is not about hard work, i am not afraid of that. It is something else. Something that i do not utter aloud for fear of admitting my own weakness, my Achilles' heels. I have unwittingly taken this turn too long ago, and it remains a regret, a black hole in my heart. Can i revert it? Will i be able to? Most importantly, do i want to?

Tired bones.

2009-06-30T20:22:00.006+08:00

Swarna, one's for you. :)

2009-06-23T23:10:00.003+08:00

You wouldn't understand, but it's okay.

2009-06-21T21:54:00.004+08:00

el submarino amarillo says:
sej do wat
Yting; says:
3 essays ah
just the struktur
el submarino amarillo says:
why u din tell me
u bugger
Yting; says:
so i guess...points only
hahahahhah
i forgot la dei!
el submarino amarillo says:
BUGGER!
Yting; says:
hanif wan
el submarino amarillo says:
nvm la
tmr then
Yting; says:
YOU LA BUGGER
el submarino amarillo says:
hanif wan weds only got ma
u scared wat
dum bunny
go eat ur carrots
Yting; says:
hahahahahahahahaha
excuse me?And yes, he did draw the carrot in msn. Friends. Lol.

Another one. A whole basket! ;D Just to make me happy and ward away evil evil people. Chongyen, thank yous!

2009-06-19T19:51:00.002+08:00

Since tonight is emo-night, let's get it rolling.

Sheril, what have become of us? have you forgotten me entirely? i wonder sometimes, i truly wonder. if you have, i am sorry to say that i am not strong enough to live without you. you might think otherwise, seeing how rare we converse now and i cannot remember the last time we had a decent conversation concerning pasts and futures. but no, i am no weed, no wild grass; i am but a daisy, a fragile flower that breaks too easily and the act of your presence slowly being removed from my life. traces are begin to disappear, our footprints are being washed away, and i am helpless to stop this tide, and frankly, is our friendship even intact at this point? it is too painful. is my support system finally breaking down? what happened to banana and branches, what happened to dreams and heartbreaks, what happened to broken dreams and inspired ideas? what happened to all that?

2009-06-19T19:21:00.009+08:00

i am trying to stop my tears from streaming down. eye lids. eye lashes.

you know how everybody has broken dreams? with you, i feel every broken vision and every impossible aspiration mended with your warm, calm presence. reality seems a little less ugly and more comforting. i don't know what came over me. it feels like this ocean wave crashed into me and has yet to subside. a friend once said that even the strongest girl breaks down and cry. but i have never been strong, and breaking down does not change any situation, any melancholy, any jaded soul like the one i now seem to possess. i think of you now, and think of the strength that permeates unknowingly from you, perhaps, which gives me a more concrete reason to appreciate this life which i seem to have taken granted for.

yet, this disappointment seeps in and for the second day, i am filled with this blankness, this failure that is my own doing. do i ask for your help to assist me in feeling better, to lighten up so that this cloudy mood swing can pass over? but the thing is, i don't want you to. and for the first time, i am aware of how this is not a mood swing, and i am torn between crying and well, crying. i remember the green field that we always walk round, a world of our own...peace and serenity all rolled into one albeit being a temporary one. i remember how you guided my chin and magick happened. i remember the first awkward time we went out and i felt out of my comfort zone because i just don't usually go out with a newly acquainted friend that i barely even know - it is just not me. i even remember the random text messages you sent which would light up my face; if i happened to be out with my friends doing nothing(ie stoning), i felt a little better knowing that i had a great conversationalist to converse with even if it was only texting. i remember a lot of things, and this is only the beginning, but i feel like i have made my first mistake(s); i am not happy.

i have failed, perhaps not entirely, but certainly in some ways, i have failed myself. and saying i love you will not suffice, at least, for me, it will not.

2009-06-16T17:42:00.003+08:00

Surprised?

2009-06-16T17:34:00.004+08:00

My favorites from him. Clicky, Jonathan's.

Overture to a Celebration; Gurney

2009-06-11T20:47:00.007+08:00

Polaroid shots. It is a scary thing, the past; its ability to teleport someone/anyone brings forward the yesterdays - tears and laughter, sadness and happiness, hurt and elation all rolled into one, undifferentiated - in an instance. Perhaps, things could have been different. But of course, the word 'things' do not begin to encompass the lives lived. Possibly, events could have been dissimilar, outcomes altered if actions and thoughts were diametrical. But no, we chose our paths and some of us live to regret the choices made, while others, found a brighter, more fulfilling path. But no matter what happened, or how we wish to go back (or not) to the past, it is but a vain hope and humankind should celebrate its mistakes (no matter how tragic) and learn something from them. We are intellects not because of our idleness after all. As for today, the past hovered in the air, its resonance rung loud and clear in my ears, but i am unaffected, unblemished, untainted - for i have left that place a long time ago. I have found my happiness, my reason to believe again.

2009-06-11T20:17:00.004+08:00

When it started, we had high hopes
Now my back's on the line, my back's on the ropes
When it started, we were alright
But night makes a fool of us in the daylight

I guard you in my silent ways, because uttering my soul's words aloud would make all this more real and transparent.

2009-06-05T13:07:00.006+08:00

Remembrance

2009-06-04T17:36:00.002+08:00

Meredith: There's something to be said about a glass half full. About knowing when to say when. I think it's a floating line. A barometer of need and desire. It's entirely up to the individual. And depends on what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times there's no such thing as enough, the glass is bottomless. And all we want, is more.

Holiday

2009-06-02T22:38:00.003+08:00

Turned on.

2009-05-31T11:34:00.004+08:00

Coldplay. :)

vewen182@hotmail.com says:
telll meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
PLEASEEEEEEE
u dun tell me me cant study
then me fail then me sad
u want me sad?
nooooooooo SO TELL ME
hohhohoho
Yting; says:
hahahahahahahahahahahahha
omg your eng
xD

I wonder if you are okay sometimes, although our lives are not connected at all. Is your past that bad, your love that deep that this is the life you want to lead?

Wounded, crouched animal.

2009-05-28T17:10:00.003+08:00

Seeking refuge in unknown places because really, there's no where else to go - tonight, i just can't come home.

2009-05-24T18:38:00.005+08:00

'Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing.'
'But it's true-'
'Still doesn't mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It is what you do to the people you love; that's what matters. That's the only thing that counts.'
; Stephen, in The Last Kiss.

Tremble

2009-05-21T18:38:00.003+08:00

After exams. :)

Antartica

2009-05-18T20:08:00.005+08:00

Sometimes i wake up, thinking i could take on the world and conquer my heart's desires for the day. Sometimes i wake up, thinking i cannot face the world today (not today) - the overwhelming emotion to just hide underneath my comforter brings this inexplicable sadness that i do not want to confront. Sometimes i laugh, for no reason, for a reason, for the simplest and most complex reasons i come up with, i laugh - genuinely, wholeheartedly and blissfully. Sometimes, other times, i plaster a fake smile so that convenient excuses do not have to be made on why it's a bitter day; perhaps, i should start living on a transparency with notes written over it so that i can have some guidance on why, even when i am in a room filled with people, i still feel alienated, i still am an outsider and i still have to live in this bubble of contradictions i put myself in.

Sticks and balls.

2009-05-18T19:15:00.003+08:00

Emotional burden.

2009-05-18T19:00:00.000+08:00

You might hurt me, but you cannot break me.

External Factors.

2009-05-18T18:41:00.005+08:00

Examinations do not measure intelligence, wit, or wisdom.
It measures your ability to memorize and regurgitate facts from mechanical text books that do not showcase the mirrors of life.
It is a farce.
Yes, they educate us, but they do not teach us about lives.
A bio text book might explain how the unity of two genders might result in the product of a baby; the 9 months period, the changes in the female's body and the chemicals, hormones involved,
but
it does not tell you bout the emotional rides both mother and father-to- be go through, it does not tell you how a new chapter is invisibly made the second a mother lays eyes on her new-born babe and it does not tell you how to cherish the moments that flicker by in life.

If you want to study, and let exams gauge how well-prepared you are for STPM, so be it, but get off my principles. And others. I don't care if you score 80 or 8 in your papers.

SHUT UP, learn it, will you?

You're the foundation on which i stand.

2009-05-17T14:28:00.001+08:00

Lucas: (Voice-over) If you could go back and just change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing? Just one moment. One moment that you've always wanted back.

We, the champs.

2009-05-16T23:37:00.004+08:00

“When you're in the tunnel and you hear on the speakers: ‘Please welcome the champions of England, the champions of Europe and the champions of the world...’ you believe that you're going to crush anybody that's in your way. I get goose bumps every time I walk out at Old Trafford.”
Dimitar Berbatov gets the sweetest chill in January

“I’ve been doodling on my pad, trying to see how I can fit all these players in. People ask me what I consider to be my best side, and the short answer is that I don’t have one.”
Sir Alex's oft-experienced selection headache ruins Christmas

2009-05-14T20:04:00.004+08:00

Dear Best Friend,

I have so many things i want to say to you that i do not possibly know where i should start. Remember the nights where we watched your favorite dramas and all we did is laugh and cry about the future, the past, and the present? The classic 5am moment when we groaned about our hunger and how absurd it would be to cook instant noodles - yet we do it anyway? We had our fair share of dreams - some reached, others forgotten and we even have our sacred moments of secrets, fears, and stories shared. I had thought i lost you, the other time. I was wrong (thank God); and now, separated by our different vocations(and hectic lifestyle) and countries apart, we struggle to be involved in each others lives. Ours have been one hell of a roller coaster ride, but i am glad i have you still. And for that, i need nothing more.

Big Phang and Little Tan.

A forgotten dream.

2009-05-12T19:14:00.005+08:00

Suddenly i am lost, submerged in this ocean of doubts and unfilled desires.
Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead, yesterday is a promise that you have broken.

2009-05-12T18:12:00.003+08:00

Carrie :[Narrating] Later that night, I got to thinking about men, and women and relationships. Or more to the point, how women feel men disappoint them in relationships. Then a radical, almost earth-shattering thought popped into my head. What if everything isn't the man's fault? After a certain age, and a certain number of relationships; if it still isn't working and the ex's seem to be moving on and we don't, perhaps the problem isn't the last boyfriend, or the one before him, or even the one before him! Could it be, that the problem isn't them, but horror of horrors - is it us?

2009-05-07T22:49:00.006+08:00

Dark Berry Mocha.
War of the Roses.
Archon, Solon, Prytany, Cleisthenes, Prisistratus.
You have no idea, and it's staying that way.
I.U. Day. :/ :/
Mine, you.
Bliss.

Friends

2009-05-05T22:36:00.004+08:00

552209

2009-05-05T22:31:00.003+08:00

"Love is always patient and kind.
It is never jealous.
Love is never boastful or conceited.
It is never rude or selfish.
It does not take offense and is not resentful".
- A walk to remember

I want.

2009-05-04T17:13:00.002+08:00

Yting; says:
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i want to watch wolverineeeeeeeee
cyen - zaytsev - so what if you can see the darkest side of me? says:
no nid watch wan la. ask someone muscular to put 3 chopsticks between his fingers in each hands and make growling noises
Yting; says:
HAHAAHHAHAHA